Joint Log | Capt Ivanova, Lt Rotek - "It's Not Like It's Forever"

Posted on Sat Sep 13th, 2014 @ 3:33am by Lieutenant Commander Rotek & Admiral Rochelle Ivanova

1,377 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Are You Touched?

Allowing herself to let Vlimar PontBrillant gain more ground into the lair of her good graces had proven to be a rewarding practice, though the little Captain would never admit as much openly. Not yet. Things were still too new, too raw for her liking. Learning to cope with his presence, however, was proving a difficult task to them both; she gained someone to speak with but seemed forever thwarting his advances.

What didn't seem altogether sterling, however, was the presence of her medical officer sitting on a bench in the breezeway between the stables and the main building of the resort. "Lieutenant?" She asked as she slowed to a stop in front of the Klingon, "is everything alright?"

Rotek sighed as he heard Ivanova's question. He'd reluctantly agreed to beam down to the resort and try to relax. He knew though that relaxation would be the last thing on his mind. Idly he fingered the locket on his neck, visible through the linen shirt he'd changed into, along with shorts and sandals. Without looking up at her he said curtly "I'm fine Captain. Thank you for your concern. I'm just not feeling very social at the moment." He knew he was doing what he'd been doing for a while, shutting down in some vain attempt to maintain his composure as a Klingon. He also knew that it was the last thing he should be doing at the moment.

"Sorry Lieutenant," Rochelle said, taking a seat beside the big Klingon on the bench, "but I'm not buying that."

Standing suddenly, he turned away from her and said "I'm sorry ma'am, but are you telling me I'm lying? I find that ...", he started to say more, but his voice caught with a very slight sob, and felt wetness on his cheeks.

Taken aback by his flurry of movement, the little Captain took a couple steps back and waited for the outburst to end. The sight of tears, however, softened her. "Now I am." She said and reached a tiny hand towards his shoulder. "What's going on?"

Silent sobs shook him and at the touch of her hand he flinched despite himself, then turned to face her. Tears running forcefully down his face he said "I'm so sorry Captain, I don't mean to break down like this I just can't ...hide it anymore."

"Hide what?" She asked, her hand continuing to rest on his shoulder in spite of the flinch. She was careful to guide him back to his seat on the bench, motioning that she'd take up one right beside him. The sudden and intense onslaught of emotion honestly concerned her as this was a member of her crew, and a very valuable member at that.

Not being able to trust his voice, he was quiet for a moment. Very softly, the tears still falling, he said "I don't know how to say it without completely losing my composure. It's been so hard keeping this pain to myself. Please don't think less of me for keeping it from you." Taking a deep breath, he added "Just as I received my transfer orders to join the Vindicator I received another message. The message informed me that my parents ship had been ... destroyed by the Borg." Hiding his face in his hands he sobbed openly.

"I'm sorry about your parents." Ivanova replied quietly, her hand moving from his shoulder to his upper back as he cried. She too knew the pain of losing her parents, her mother's ship had disappeared over a decade ago and left her with the same heartache Rotek felt now. "Have you tried speaking with the ship's counselor?" She asked, truly unsure of how to approach the subject or how to handle it in an adequate manner.

Shaking his head, not caring that his beard was getting wet with tears, he finally faced her and said "No Captain. I haven't spoken to the counselor. You're literally the first person I've spoken to about this. I'm sorry if I'm dishonored myself. I did not mean to force you to deal with this with me. I know Klingons are not supposed to show weakness. Perhaps it is a failure of my human side. Forgive me."

"You're not a Vulcan." Rochelle's head shook as she spoke, "Emotions aren't a display of weakness, Lieutenant, they're a show of strength so great you can't contain it." She offered him a small, lopsided smile as she patted him between the shoulder blades. She was hardly qualified to play counselor, her specialty being the art of war and all things tactical, but the situation forced her hand. Suddenly she wondered if this was how Pond felt when she'd gone to her about losing Landon. Helpless. "I lost my mother when I was barely a teenager." The woman said, her voice soft and smooth as velvet, "Her ship never showed up for scheduled maintenance and supplies and they never found a trace of her or any member of her crew. I spent a long time wondering 'what if' and hoping beyond hope she'd just show up one night." It was hard for her to open up, to show any form of weak spot in her proverbial armor, but now seemed a good time. The doctor needed her to be a friend, not a Captain.

Nodding, Rotek struggled to stop crying, and wiped angrily at his tear streaked face. Taking a breath to steady himself, he replied "Thank you Captain for helping me not feel so embarrassed. It just hurts a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it. I thought shoving it down inside and focusing on my duties would help, but it didn't."

"No." She said with a quiet shake of her head, "It never does." If there was anyone on this ship that could stand and testify to that fact it would be her. It had always been her go to choice of action when adversity struck, right on down to that very moment where she waltzed around as if life was right as rain when inside she was cut to ribbons. "Listen," Rochelle said, lifting her head to be able to look at the much taller Klingon square on as they sat, "You should speak with Doctor Neyes, he's a good man. For everything he can't help you with I'll be here. I know what you're going through and I know that misery can sometimes like company, even if it's only for a cup of raktajino."

Sighing, he replied "I will do as you suggest Captain." Pausing he added "I want to thank you for your compassion. You bring yourself honor, and honor me as well. I do hope we can become friends at some point ma'am."

"Become?" She asked, a small smile tugging at the fullness of her lips, "Lieutenant, we are friends." Just like that she offered the anguished Klingon a small piece of herself; her compassion. It was something she rarely gifted, but she gave it to this kindred spirit freely, knowing all too well the torrent that plagued him day in and day out.

Smiling very slightly, he said "I appreciate that Captain. I look forward to getting to know you better." Pausing, he thought for a moment and said "Do you know if they serve raktajino around here? I think a large mug of it would steady my nerves."

"I look forward to it too." The Captain grinned and patted him on his back again, "Raktajino?" She nodded, "The bar by the pool serves it. It's pretty strong, too."

Standing, and straightening his rumbled shirt, he said "Would you do me the honor of letting me buy you a mug Captain?"

"Absolutely." Rochelle, too, found her feet and hooked her arm with the Klingon doctor's, gesturing with her free hand the direction in which their bounty could be found. The day had taught her a lesson in culture and compassion, a lesson about what being the Captain of a starship entailed. She'd learned to be delicate and warm all in the same fell swoop -- and the lesson hadn't hurt at all. Not one little bit.

=/\=End Log=/\=

Lieutenant Rotek
Chief Medical Officer
USS Vindicator

Captain Rochelle Ivanova
Commanding Officer
USS Vindicator

 

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